Jordan
Jordan
“Wake up,” He said. “Sorry ‘bout that bump back there, didn’t see it comin’ ‘til I was right up on it. Do me a favor, grab that shovel when you crawl outta’ there. An’ for chrissakes stop sniveling, nothin’s gonna happen to ya if you do what you’re told.”
He motioned for The Man to get out of the trunk with his pistol and laughed as The Man bumped his head while he was pulling out the shovel. “Heh heh. Oh, sorry. That was rude of me.”
The Man looked up at him with desperation and salty tears in his eyes as he rubbed the bump forming at the base of his skull. Somewhere off in the blackness a bell sounded. 1…2…3…
“Ask not for whom the bell tolls,” He said, “it tolls for thee…hm.”
He pointed outward into the void of the night. “Start marchin’ soldier.” He had a small flashlight and used it to illuminate the steps of The Man. As they were making their way through the dark He couldn’t help but recall a verse from the family bible. Something about how God was a light unto the paths of the righteous.
And isn’t that appropriate? In this moment I am his God. His life is in my hands, I light his path and will preserve him so long as he does my will. Yes, I am God, a big fuckin’ bully with a gun to the head of my follower. And on they walked, side by side. Adam with his shovel and fig leaf suit, God with his pistol.
“That’s good,” He mumbled, “I oughta’ write that down.” These last words stung him.
“What?” The Man asked as he wiped snot and tears from his lip.
“Nothin’, keep movin’.”
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“How…Can I ask how far we’re going?”
“Yes you may. There’s a dried up riverbed not too far from here… Y’know, just ‘cause I’m the man with the gun doesn’t mean you can’t talk.”
The Man was silent.
“I…I don’t know what to talk about.”
“Oh that’s alright, I’m sure even Moses was a bit more speechless than he made himself out to be.”
The Man was silent. There was only the sound of crunching shrubbery beneath their shoes as He escorted The Man through the valley of shadows.
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“Watch your step,” He said. “Don’t wanna tumble down there an’ bust your head open. That’d make quite a mess and I’d be out here all alone with no one to help me.”
“Stop it! Just stop!,” The Man exploded, no longer able to contain the maelstrom of fear building inside of him. “You talk to me like there isn’t a goddamn thing wrong. I don’t know if you’ve ever had a gun pointed at your back while, for all you know, you’re marching to your own fucking funeral, but its not very pleasant!”
He looked down at his shoes and rubbed the back of his neck as a child does when scorned by their mother.
“Look, I didn’t mean to upset you so much. I’ve been dealin’ in lead for a long time and its become the only way I know how to anymore. I thought the light conversation would relax you a little.”
“Put the fucking gun down, then I’ll relax.”
He shook his head as if driving off a bad idea, then raised his head with a stern look on his face. “Rule number 1 is never let the target think he’s got a leg to stand on. I’m afraid I’ll just have to be more firm with you.” He put the pistol to the man’s head and thumbed the hammer back, leaning in close to this face. “Now get your ass down there and dig me a hole. 6 feet by 4 by 6.”
“Oh God, I am digging my own grave aren’t I?”
“Move!” He shouted into the man’s face.
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Sitting in the dry dirt leaning forward on his propped up knees, the pistol hanging limply from his left hand, He began to sing in a loose melody, The Man was now almost finished with his task.
“I had jade colored eyes that shimmered in the sun / If you stared at them too long you’d catch a glimpse of what I’d done / The faces of the damned and all the butchered lambs / If I had to do it over I just would’ve done it slower / When we meet you will see I will destroy everything of beauty / When we meet then you’ll know I’ll be the axe that clears the forest.”
The Man resisted looking up at Him and continued to shed his tears into the cool, soft soil. The soil, he imagined, that would cover him soon.
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“That looks pretty good, you can stop,” he said. The Man straightened up and let the shovel fall over. Then he collapsed against one earthen wall, hung his head, and bawled.
“Please don’t shoot me! I don’t know who you are or what I’ve ever done to you but I’ll make it better! I’ll give you anything you want, do anything you want me to, just please don’t shoot me!”
“Tell me son, what’ve you got to live for? When I found you you were drowning in tears and booze, tellin’ your little sob story to anyone that’d listen. And I listened.”
“I….I I’ve got family, siblings, parents that would be devastated! You’d hurt so many people by killing me!”
“That’s not what I asked you goddamnit! I said what do you have to live for! You think I give a shit who gets all torn up over any man I’d kill? Fuck, I’ve left a path from here to hell of ruined lives in my wake, it ain’t nothin’ new.” They both paused for a while, catching their breath. “But I’m done with that now. Get up outta that hole.”
The Man was confused and wearily climbed up from the grave. He then walked The Man up and out the other side of the riverbed.
“Find six rocks and pile them together here.”
The Man grabbed a few rocks.
“No, good size ones.”
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“Got an answer for me now?”
“I guess its not that I wanna live so much as I don’t wanna die. I’m afraid. I just can’t imagine not existing.”
“Oh christ, got a philosophizer on my hands do I?”
“You asked.”
“Ya. I did.”
They were both back down in the riverbed. Each of them standing on opposite ends of the grave.
“If you walk straight to those rocks from here and keep going you’ll make your way back to the town I brought you from. ‘Bout two miles out. Be sure an’ cover me up good.”
“What?” The Man asked, but He was turning away from him. He put the pistol under his chin and pulled the trigger.
His body fell backward, down in the hole.
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“What?” Levi said. But before he could get an answer the man had turned from him and shot himself.
“Oh christ!” Levi screamed, and then again. “Oh, christ!” The sound from the sharp crack of the pistol echoed around him, thundering into the distance. He fell to his knees and wept into his hands. Wept for the life he had almost lost. Wept for the life thrown away. Wept for the final task laid before him.
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Levi shoveled the last few patches of dirt on the mound that covered his aggressor. But Levi could not help but love him just a little. The man had made him face his mortality, question his life, and then spared it even after he could not give a reason for it except that he did not want to die.
He pressed the shovel into the dirt at the head of the grave with his boot, then fashioned a crossbeam to it with some wood and weeds to make a marker. He climbed up to the other side of the riverbed and then looked back. In the distance a bell sounded. 1…2…3…
“Ask not for whom the bell tolls….” he murmured.
The clock must be busted.
